So here's to...

I’m sure this has happened to you a lot of times too.

You go in the shower, and while the hot water soaks you to the bones and relaxes your muscles, your brain tells you all different kinds of awesome ideas, that sometimes even convinces you: wow I’m so smart and creative and I can’t wait to tell this to the world and show everyone how great my ideas are! But then you get out of the shower, get in bed and try to work on those ideas and *wenk wenk wenk…* the ideas are gone.

This has been my life in the past year. Sure, I post nice pictures on Instagram, and I can write some nice captions along with the photos but I would always get the feeling of, “whateverness”. Yup. That feeling of whatever, and it’s not a nice feeling at all. It makes me feel like I’m not living my life to its full potential and that I should be doing more than what I already have been doing, and when I think about all of that, it stresses me out. So obviously, I have a problem and it’s time to solve it NOW!

One of the reasons I feel like I’m drained out of *inspirations* is my work. I’m a barista and though I still don’t work full time (40 hours), I feel like my energy is being sucked out of my body every single day that my body tells my brain: it’s time to rest and do absolutely nothing else. 

Second reason I see is my environment. I live in the Yukon, in Whitehorse City, and if you check your Google maps, you’ll see that it also can be called Neverland. I live in such a small town that creatives like myself just rot. And considering the crazy winter conditions here, I’m forced to stay indoors almost all the time. I’m no eskimo. I’m an asian girl, living in Winterland and thinking about how cold it is outside breaks my heart. So yeah, that’s like 7 months of my whole year.

Third reason, and probably the last, is the people surrounding me. I have no friends. The closest people I could call my friends are my co-workers. Other than that, nada, none. I don’t have a social life, which is fine with me actually, but sometimes you just need somebody to talk to who’s not family, you know? My family, they’re just so different. Compared to the family I lived with back in the Philippines, my family here is just sooo… hmmm, different. Sometimes I wish I could just go home and stay there, but my life now is HERE. God put me here for a reason.

Lastly, my boyfriend, he’s so far away from me. We always text though, like literally, ALL THE TIME. Technology definitely made this relationship easier but sometimes, I just want to disconnect from the World Wide Web and just live in the moment, in real life. I wish he was here with me, or I was there with him, so I won’t have to worry about looking at my phone as frequently as how I do now. So yeah, I’m torn.

I don’t exactly know how I am to solve my dilemma, but one thing I know for sure is that I have to start changing something in my life soon. I need to keep myself motivated and inspired, despite the exhausted body, despite the insane freezing temperatures, and despite the feeling of loneliness I feel, even though I’m surrounded by the people who loves me. I need to start changing something in me, and I need to start now. And this is where this blog comes in. 

I created this website as an outlet of my ideas, creations, discoveries and well, personal reflections. This will be my personal life project that I plan to keep doing until my last breath. I know, I know, that’s a heavy commitment, but this is what I feel like I must do for myself to be happy and content. I’ll keep documenting my explorations and discoveries here and I hope that you will find my expeditions worth-reading and worth waiting for. I can’t promise you good content all the time, but I hope that whatever you read here, you may find worth your time.

So here’s to new beginnings, to change, and for a better tomorrow!